Where do i start!!!

Ok...so my wonderful friend Lisa, (without whom I would have never started this blog...) had read my myspace blog...to be honest, i wasnt sure what a blog even was until now...but I have always meant to start journaling, yet, like most ambitions i have had...didnt come to pass. But with Lisa's encouragement, Here I am...now what???

Well, the blogs below were written in the last few weeks, so i didnt want to leave them out.

Ok, back to Lisa for a moment...since living in this "hog wild" town, i have never met anyone i had more in common with, or should i say someone who liked me just for me...a very cool concept...she never judges me, she never puts me down, and always...and I mean ALWAYS makes me smile or laugh!!! Which is something i havent done in a long time...and i'm not sure why...

First, I must say I have three wonderful reasons to smile and laugh, and they keep me sane...or at least as sane as i will ever be.

My first born, the child I prayed so hard for, and so long for, My beautiful Mads, a teenager now. She has a quiet beauty..intelligence, kindness, a love for the Lord like i've never seen in someone so young...I wish the world for her...but I wonder at times...what am i teaching her...I hope all the right things...

My Tman...years ago, i dreamed of having a blonde blue eyed boy...and God surely answered that prayer...He is my sweetheart...still hugs me whereever, whenever, and still gives me a kiss, even in front of his friends!!! He is my little man, who keeps growning right before my eyes...as Lisa mentioned, I cant believe I will only have him with me for 8 more years...this young man is destined to go places...I cant wait to see what God has in store for him!

My Scoot...there is something about the third child that I cant quite define...I love them all with all my heart...but God showed his sense of humor when he created Scoot...she is me! For real...looks exactly like me, acts like i did when i was her age, everything! She is stubborn like me too, which drives us both crazy...:) almost 8 years old and going on 18 if she had her way...Look out world, here comes Scoot!

I've been married (to quote one of my favorite authors, Jill Savage) 19 years, with so far 1 of them happy...that is a horrible thing to say, and i wouldnt blog it if it was a secret...my marriage is an ongoing work in progress...only God knows what it will end up to be... in Sept it will be 20 years married, and 25 together...over half of my life...

I live in a beautiful farmhouse, just outside of our booming metropolis...ok, city...no town...village, who knows what i should call it...but it's home, at least it has been for the last 22 years.

I have always been one to want something better, more. I always was told this was a good thing, by my mom who said why settle when you can dream...but i look at where my life is right at this moment, and I have come to realize that contentment is something I long to have. I know that is quite the opposite of what i was taught. But that is what i pray for, long for, and dream of. Simple contentment.

ok, so there is my life in a nutshell. At least that's all I'm prepared to write about right now...



Past blogs:
Lord,

I seem to be driving myself crazy, trying to figure out how to balance everything…the kids activities, my activities, family activities, church activities…and never having enough money…
You know how I worry about having enough Lord,
I know you are always watching over us, Lord making sure we have everything we NEED, but what do I do as a mom about all the WANTS….There never seems to be enough money…what am I doing wrong?
I know in my soul that you have a plan for us Lord,
Proverbs 19:21 (Whole Chapter) Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
you have everything planned for us…but how do I get passed this madness, the running in so many different directions when I only want to run to you…I feel like the lost sheep…
Luke 15:4 (Whole Chapter) "Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?
I know you will always find me Lord, but I just want to stop all this madness, all this and let you lead me Lord…



Tuesday, March 04, 2008
job interview

ok, so I'm getting ready to go on yet another job interview...there was a time that all i had to do was show up and chat a little, and i had the job...(i'm not bragging...just how it was) now however, i cant seem to go on enough interviews...it goes well, then the letter or the phone call, sorry...but...
i'm not sure what's happening...it feels like i've lost that "whatever" i had...that helped me get a job...I feel like i'm letting my family down, myself down...i feel like that lost soul that just is here to wander....
I am determined! I will do all in my power to get this job...and if it is not in God's plan...then i will do my best to be content and continue to move forward...

Thursday, February 28, 2008
I’m 40...now what

Wow...40! It used to seem like all those people who were 40...wow, old...
But the cool thing is, I dont feel any different...
I do however feel stuck in a rut...encouraging all I meet to live their dream...do what makes them happy...but sadly, I dont know what that is for me...
How does one figure that out...my motto used to be "go for it", but when you mature, you realize you cant always do that...even though you desperately want to...
Lately, it seems the only goal I have is to keep my head above water, financially...make my family happy...but without cash, how do you do that?? I know, I know...money isnt everything, but I always wonder, if a rich person said that?lol
I have all these dreams to improve our lives, but cant seem to get the door open to begin living them...it's like the door is locked and i dont have the right key...
Maybe I was just meant to be in this holding pattern...I just cant quite make myself believe that...
so who knows, other than God, what is in store...I will just keep trying to be patient (not a strong suit for me); and wait to see what he has in mind for this restless soul...